Do you remember when I was still this little child?
Choosing is one of the most delightful things to do – when mom asks which dress you want to wear, or which cookie you want to taste.
No one ever told me, that was a subtle invitation to the land of life’s complicated decisions.
No one dared to tell me that as you grow up, choosing becomes harder.
That every day you are making choices and that every choice you make adds up to the totality of your life.
No one ever told me that this life is a test and you cannot afford to leave your score in the random fate of eeny, meeny, miny, mo.
Because no one even warned me that there will come a time in your life where it will confront you with the choice of whose heart to break.
There will be a certain point in your life where it will leave you with no other option but to choose to break a heart.
No, you cannot alter the question. And no, you cannot skip it.
But Lord, if ever that day comes, when You’ll make me choose between whose heart to break,
let me choose mine.
Let me choose to have my heart broken.
Let me spare Yours.
Of all the heartaches this world has given You,
I cannot afford to add more.
I cannot take the thought of hurting You more.
I cannot bear the pain of adding more of Your agonies.
Lord, let my heart be broken,
if that’s what it takes to save Yours.
Forgive me, if for so long, I’ve been a coward — afraid of breaking other’s hearts but not afraid of hurting Yours; afraid of having my heart being torn, not thinking of how it breaks Yours.
For so long, I’ve been so afraid of hurting others if I’d obey You. I’m terrified to break the hearts I love. I’ve been so scared to hurt people, but never fearful of hurting my Lord.
And so I chose them, and ignored Your pleading.
I never realize the gravity of it all – that choosing them means rejecting You. Oh, how this cowardness disguised in “pity and concern” for others has fooled me!
I never thought that sparing their hearts from hurting meant choosing to break Yours.
How can I do such wickedness towards the One who first chose me?!
I didn’t know Lord. I never knew until the pain You have flowed through my veins – until the hearts I chose to save caused the pain in me.
I never knew, my dearest Lord, how painful it has been to You until it happened to me.
And forgive me if I’ve been too stubborn to choose to learn it the hard way.
Now Lord, if life confronts me again with the same question,
let my heart, please let my heart be broken for the things that break Yours.
For in this life full of brokenness, I will have the greatest honor to be broken for You.
– Your Broken Bread