And I hope You’ve noticed. I believe You do.

I hope, You see all my endeavors to try
even when I’m scared,
even when I’m weak,
even when it’s impossible,
even when no one sees.

I’m trying.

I’m trying to be the child You will be proud to tell the whole world as Yours. But sometimes, the best I could be tends to be the worst kind of person I never want others to see.

I’m trying to be strong as if my knees weren’t shaking in front of every battle You’ve placed me in. I almost succeeded convincing them until I fell headlong with no dignity left to face the world and all its expectations.

I’m trying to be the best example others could look up to. I even made myself believe the lie that perfection is possible, but all was but a facade. The public victories they applauded are but private losses that I hide.

I’m trying to be the best in every chance You’ve given me. I’m trying to change. But of all the sunrises You’ve made to give me hope, my failures darken my view until all I see are sunsets, not its beauty, but its doom.

I’m trying to overcome the thought of quitting. Time after time, I cheer myself like a fool telling itself he’s winning when everybody knows the truth. Sometimes the race seems too long, too much, for a child like me.

Every day I’m trying. 

I tried,

and tried,

and tried.

Until I reached my end.
Until I lost myself.
Until I come to You…

And I’m glad I did. Oh, I’m glad I’ve finally come to my end! 

Because there, at the end of myself, I found You.

At the end of trying, I finally learned “trusting“.

Sometimes you just have to reach your end so you would understand that you always have to begin with God.

Rachelligraphy

How blind I have been to miss the beauty of it! To miss the blessings that lie in wait to those who simply trust You –the peace, the freedom, and the joy. For a long time, I’ve chosen my own path “trying,” when all this time You’ve been calling me to Your path of “trusting.”

“Trying and trusting“: two easily-mistaken things in this life that when understood in the light of Your love, will save a heart from most of life’s vain troubles.

I’ve realized, that sometimes we enter life head-high with all our confidence that this is all about bravery and endurance. But along the way, our endless failures will teach us that it is not about “us”, nor the things we can do; it is all about “God” and the things He’s done and will do for us:

that in God, you never need to be loveable to be loved;

you never need to be perfect to be valued;

you never need to always win to be significant;

you never need to “always try” to be victorious;

you just need to “trust” Him and that settles it all — your doubts, your fears, and all your insecurities.

Because this is not about who we are but about “who He is“: a good, and faithful God who has never failed and never will, a God who is worthy of every bit of your trust.

Now I can be grateful even in my weaknesses. I can rejoice even in the midst of my failures. Now I can cease from trying and settle into trusting, Lord, because I know I can rest in You, in Your unfailing grace and love.

If one day, life will confuse me again that I have to try, remind me, dear Lord, that I just have to trust. When I come to my end, when I have tried all that I can and everything fails that I cannot believe even my own self,
help me remember
that I can trust You.

– Your Trusting Child

But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works.

Psalm 73:28 
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