How Do You Love?

Nobody told me this is how you love.

They only said I have to keep it.

They didn’t tell me that sometimes, loving means letting go.

Nobody told me love could also go wrong sometimes.

They only said it is always right to love.

They didn’t tell me, love is amoral – it varies with where it was spent.

And so I go on, went my way loving and keeping. 

I tried to keep everything with all the best my hands could.

I battled with storms, and waves, and with any force trying to steal what I hold dear.

Until one day, a familiar voice came telling me to do something I thought was a crime: “Let go.”

It was my Shepherd – whom I forgot to ask.

I was devastated. I couldn’t believe it. 

I asked Him for, like a thousand times, “Why?”

He never answered a thing. But He kept reaching out His open hand while looking straight to my tearful eyes as if He won’t change His mind to wait until I give what He asks.

“You could ask me of anything. You know how much this means to me. But why this, Lord?”

Still, there was silence.

I hope He isn’t that serious. I hope He’d change His mind. 

But days passed and He’s still there waiting.

I tried to ignore the view of Him. I can’t stand it that He looks like begging. 

But I hardened my heart. I am determined to fight to keep.

One morning, I woke up hearing my name. It was Him calling. He never left. 

And so I tried to cover my ears, but still, I can hear His voice. I realize it was my heart hearing Him and now I could never escape.

So I looked at this thing called “love” that I’ve kept so secured in my hands.

I stared at it for a long while.

I looked at every side of it: how precious it is, how much it means to me, how it has made me so happy, how promising it seems, and how tempting it is to withhold. My heart breaks just with the thought of losing it.

Then I turned my eyes on my Shepherd whom I’ve kept waiting.

I gazed at Him the way I never did before.

I looked at every side of Him: His eyes that are ever tender towards my failures, His shoulders that never tire to carry me, His arms that are always open to welcome me again and again, and then His hands – it was His hands that opened my eyes! Those nail-pierced hands whom He never withheld on the cross just to save me. Now, who am I to deny anything He asks?

It was love that He gave to me; love should He receive from me.

It was that one look towards my Shepherd that changed it all.

My questions begin to change:

“What matters more than my Shepherd?

What thing would deserve a place in my heart than Him?

What shall separate me from Him?

Shall it be love?

How great was this earthly love that it would part me from Him who has left His throne just to be with me!

And how foolish would this heart be to choose to withhold!

Oh, how frail am I not to understand, you have never loved until you let go!”

Loving is letting go.

Because when you are loving something, you are letting go of something else. Your heart is a throne, and it cannot hold two kings. It is either you make Jesus reign there or yourself. It can never be both.

This is what we fail to understand,

if one seeks to learn how to truly love, he must seek the answer from Him who is the Author of it – Jesus knows.

Ask Jesus and He will point you to His cross.

And there you will know, to love is to keep your heart fixed and your hands wide open to whatever God may give or require.

Love,

is not an emotion to feel but a decision to make – to keep or to let go.

I pray you’d make a wise one.

” For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son…”

John 3:16a